13 posts tagged “silliness”
I mean seriously, think about this.
The Everybody Votes Channel on the Wii menu had a recent global survey:
Have you ever been swimming in the ocean?
Yes or No.
I thought this could be interesting, both for the USA and worldwide. In America, while visiting the beach is a popular vacation destination, most of the country is land-locked and hundreds or thousands of miles from the coast, and a lot of people won't travel that far for a vacation. Then again, the biggest population centers are on the east & west coasts, so a large fraction of people don't have to go very far at all to get to the ocean. I voted that a majority would say "yes", and I ended up being right -- the actual number was something like 78%, if I recall.
But unlike other polls on the Wii's EVC (I'm too lazy to type that out right now (but not too lazy to have a parenthetical remark longer than the bit I was eliding (where was I?))), this one was global in scope, not national, so the dynamics are broader than just North America. You have to account for where people live, which countries are likely to have lots of Wii users that would be voting on this kind of silly question, etc.
I figured the global results would be similar to my guess for America -- "yes" -- on grounds that while a lot of the world is landlocked, a lot of the landlocked places are thinly populated & not necessarily economically advanced enough to have lots of Wii users. Moreover, a lot of the places where the Wii should be expected to be popular -- Japan, Korea maybe, the UK & Ireland, plus western Europe -- are either islands, or otherwise still close to the ocean. So, again, "yes".
Okay, we get it, so what's the point?
Get to the point already.
Predictably (a ha! a ho!), "yes" was the worldwide winner. And when you drilled into the national breakdown of the results, in most countries, "yes" was the winner locally as well.
- Switzerland is a land-locked country, ringed by towering mountains, savage Visigoths, and fierce Gauls. And yet it looks like something like 85% or more of the population has been in the ocean.
- Italy is a long, skinny peninsula, hemmed in by towering mountains to the north, the snarling Gauls to the northwest, Archduke Ferdinand's Balkans to the northeast, and the serene, inviting waters of the Mediterranean and Adriatic seas on all other sides. Clearly, there's nowhere to go but swimming, right? And yet it looked like less than 30% had been in the ocean.
- Greece is a chain of peninsulas and actual islands that is, again, boxed in by mountains and the Archduke's Balkans to the north, and the warm, refreshing, and famed Mediterranean both all around and actually inside the rest of the country. And yet less than 20% had been in the ocean.
I mean, okay, sure, there's that whole myth about that guy and his crew getting lost for like a decade and having a hell of a time in just getting a ferry ride over from Turkey to Athens, but come on: (a) it was a long time ago, right, they didn't have GPS back then, (b) I'm pretty sure they weren't being serious about the Cyclops, Sirens, Scylla & Charybdis, etc. Urban legends, all, right? You can go back in the water now, it's okay.
I mean, hey, just look at Martha's Vineyard, right? They know it's safe to go back in the water
Andrew Langmead has the punchline of the day, regarding the longevity of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon:
Then it suddenly occured to me how that album sold as well as it did. I think that most of the sales came from people who already had the album, but forgot.
It's funny because it's true:
- My parents had it on vinyl when I was a kid. Presumably it’s still around, but with no record player any more, this copy isn’t accessible to me any more.
- We got a copy on CD in the 80s, but who knows what happened to that version.
- I got a remasted CD version in high school in the 90s, but seem to have lost it at college — no idea what happened to that one, which is too bad, as that one had a fancy box cover, some postcard artwork inserts, etc.
- A few months ago I re-bought it when it came out on iTunes Plus, then burned a copy and put the digital version on two different computers and two different iPods so that it’ll be harder to lose.
With any luck, that should be the last copy I need to buy.
One of my favorite place names is Assinippi, which happens to be very close to where I grew up. It's an area in Massachusetts near where the towns of Hanover & Norwell border each other. The main landmarks are the Assinippi General Store at the corner of Rt 53 and Rt 123, nearby Jacob's Pond off 123, a thin strip of commercial development along Rt 53, and a small handful of residential side streets. Nearby is the Assinippi Industrial Park, a small industrial complex notable mainly (to me) for hosting the headquarters of Zildjian, a cymbal company with some famous customers
Assinippi is not one of the 301 towns & cities in Massachusetts, as recognized by the commonwealth, which puts it instead on the list of Archaic Community, District, Neighborhood, Section and Village Names. It isn't even big enough to have a Wikipedia page to call its own, though it does come up on the list of place names in New England of aboriginal origin, which notes that the name is a Wampanoag term meaning "rocks in water". So there.
You wouldn't necessarily learn any of this from a naive Google search though. In the first 100 results, I count three hits for things specifically about the area: a painting of the Jacobs family (presumably of the above-mentioned Jacobs Pond), and a review of the Assinippi General Store and a listing for the adjacent Assinippi General Store grocery department.
This real estate directory looks like one of the only honest programmatically derived pages, and even it misses the mark in stating "We don't currently have an article about Assinippi. Here is an article about nearby North Pembroke." North Pembroke isn't actually all that nearby -- you have to go through Hanover to get there, but Hanover doesn't get mentioned. Whatever.
In any case, there's no way this many people are interested in Assinippi. It's just not that big of an area, and as it has no clearly agreed-upon boundaries -- unlike Hanover & Norwell, which are very well defined -- most people in the area think of themselves as living &/or working in the town of Hanover or Norwell, rather than the village of Assinippi, and so would start their Google searches from the town name, not the neighborhood name. The vast majority of these search results, except for the handful that specifically refer to a particular business or street address, have to be SEO Google spam. And if a little, unknown area like Assinippi is getting this many hits, how much of this kind of thing is targetting areas where there are actually a lot of people? A lot, surely.
How hard can this be? Compare & contrast:
Literally:
3 definitions found
From The Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 [gcide]:
Literally \Lit"er*al*ly\, adv.
1. According to the primary and natural import of words; not
figuratively; as, a man and his wife can not be literally
one flesh.
[1913 Webster]
So wild and ungovernable a poet can not be
[1913 Webster]
literally
adv 1: in a literal sense; "literally translated"; "he said so
literally" [ant: {figuratively}]
2: (intensifier before a figurative expression) without
exaggeration; "our eyes were literally pinned to TV during
the Gulf war" [syn: {virtually}]
38 Moby Thesaurus words for "literally":
absolutely, actually, closely, dead, definitely, direct, directly,
even, exactly, expressly, faithfully, in all respects,
in every respect, in fact, ipsissimis verbis, just, literatim,
plumb, point-blank, positively, precisely, really, right, rigidly,
rigorously, square, squarely, straight, strictly, to the letter,
truly, undeviatingly, unerringly, verbally, verbatim,
verbatim et litteratim, word by word, word for word
2. With close adherence to words; word by word. From WordNet (r) 2.0 [wn]: From Moby Thesaurus II by Grady Ward, 1.0 [moby-thes]:
Figuratively:
2 definitions found From The Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 [gcide]:
Figurative \Fig"ur*a*tive\, a. [L. figurativus: cf. F.
figuratif. See {Figurative}.]
1. Representing by a figure, or by resemblance; typical;
representative.
[1913 Webster]
This, they will say, was figurative, and served, by
God's appointment, but for a time, to shadow out the
true glory of a more divine sanctity. --Hooker.
[1913 Webster]
2. Used in a sense that is tropical, as a metaphor; not
literal; -- applied to words and expressions.
[1913 Webster]
3. Abounding in figures of speech; flowery; florid; as, a
highly figurative description.
[1913 Webster]
4. Relating to the representation of form or figure by
drawing, carving, etc. See {Figure}, n., 2.
[1913 Webster]
They belonged to a nation dedicated to the
figurative arts, and they wrote for a public
familiar with painted form. --J. A.
Symonds.
[1913 Webster]
{Figurative counterpoint} or {Figurative descant}. See under
{Figurate}. -- {Fig"ur*a*tive*ly}, adv. --
{Fig"ur*a*tive*ness}, n.
[1913 Webster]
From WordNet (r) 2.0 [wn]:
figuratively
adv : in a figurative sense; "figuratively speaking,..." [ant: {literally}]
The words are opposites. To be figurative is to use a metaphor. To be literal is to avoid metaphor.
So why does everyone use "literally", regardless of which sense they actually meant, and no one seems to use "figuratively", ever?
Consider these random recent examples from my NetNewsWire history.
First, from "The Oil Drum", a repeat offender (which, to be fair, is mostly aggregating quotes from other sources):
- "Drumbeat May 31, 2008":
Well, no, if you were able to measure it at 6.1-6.3, then it can't have been "off the chart", could it now?The image from their website shows the current and last 48 hours’ level of activity with yesterday’s large earthquake, magnitude of 6.1 - 6.3, literally off the chart
- "Drumbeat June 5, 2008":
A "dead end" is a road that doesn't connect to another road. It has nothing to do with mortality, nor the direction in which one faces...."After 200 years of having an industrial economy, we're quite literally facing a dead end," he said in a telephone interview this week. "If we keep going this way, we will be dead."
- "Drumbeat June 15, 2008":
Here's a hint: if you had to sneak the word "like" in there, then you're speaking figuratively, not literally, because you're using a simile, and a similie is like a metaphor.The reduction in supply is like a land slip under water, and the resulting wave is literally like a tsunami.
- "Drumbeat June 29, 2008":
Actually, I deny it. Right off the bat, an "act" isn't a physical object that one could possibly "clean up", so right there you're off to a shaky start. But even looking past that, to "clean up one's act" is a figurative concept implicitly, so unless there were some kind of way to take a mop to an intangible concept, this one is another swing & a miss.Few would deny that Alberta's heavy-oil producers have to literally clean up their act.
- Steven Berlin Johnson: GAMES AND THE IPHONE:
So, Apple is going home at 5pm, but then sneaking back into the office after midnight and, hey presto, magically transforming themselves into a video game console? No.That's a whole new industry that Apple has NEVER seriously tried to be competitive in, but the touch and accelerometer hardware/software built into the iPhone means that they are -- literally overnight -- the Wii of the handheld gaming market: a platform where the controller innovation changes all the rules.
- Slashdot: Apple Laptop Upgrades Costing 200% More Than Dells:
So, after the midnight video game transfiguration shenanigans, Apple is then going around and tearing off clothing -- or worse, maybe even limbs -- from gullible customers? How gruesome.Either there's a serious difference in the quality of components being used, or Apple is quite literally ripping off those who aren't able to upgrade hardware themselves.
- NPR: Will Democrats Care if the Clintons Are (That) Rich?:
I would hope so. After all, counterfeiting is illegal, right?Will ordinary voters, especially those making less than $50,000 a year, be OK with a putative champion who's literally making 400 times as much?
- I, Cringely: Leadfoot: Sometimes going green hurts more than it helps.:
So these things are able to respirate? They can draw in a breath, and then exhale, and by so doing, and with enough force, they can puff your device into pieces? Golly.[Tin whiskers] just grow. And when they get long enough they either touch another joint, shorting out one or more connections, or they vaporize in a flash, creating a little plasma cloud that can carry for an instant hundreds of amps and literally blow your device to pieces.
- NYT Freakonomics Blog: Will Mark Twain Lose the Same House Twice?:
So I take it then that Mark Twain left physical impressions in the ground, and from them you can put your own feet in the same impressions, and somehow this deepens your understanding of how he worked, slept (with his feet on the floor, presumably), ate, and played cars? Shoes heavy enough to leave such impressions over a century later must have been very painful to wear.There’s nothing like being able to literally walk in the footsteps of someone else from long ago — seeing where they worked, slept, ate, and maybe cheated at cards.
- Consider these examples, then re-read them with the word "literally" (or, worse, phrases like "quite literally") omitted:
- The Simple Dollar: Finding Inspiration for Financial Change:
For a very long time, I kept a picture of him literally wrapped around my credit cards, so I would see his face each time I pulled it out [...]
- Steven Berlin Johnson: TURNING 40:
My diet was literally plain vanilla: For my first thirty years, I actually hated chocolate.
- Wise Bread: Best of the web: How to write the perfect thank you note:
Buying a tub of pretzels and parceling them into snack bags is literally 3 times cheaper than buying the individual bags.
- WBUR's The ConverStation: “What’s In Your Wallet…I Mean iPod”:
He finds “Car Talk” quite literally laugh-out-loud funny as he listens on his recently purchased iPod Classic.
- WBUR's The ConverStation: Googling ‘bur:
It seems that Jill Price can’t, quite literally, forget a thing.
- Slashdot: BMW Introduces GINA Concept Car, Covered In Fabric:
The doors literally peel away from the side of the car, the engine bay opens up down the middle, and pretty much everything (such as headlamps) is hidden until the fabric reveals it.
- Rands in Repose: The Button:
He’s not going to engage in witty repartee, he’s literally going to ignore your button exploration questions, and this is going to annoy you.
- O'Reilly's MacDevCenter: Gordon Meyer: One Week with EyeTV Hybrid:
I live in the city, and can literally see the broadcast towers on nearby skyscrapers [...]
Clearly, the word no longer has a place in good writing. Just say no to it. Literally.
So this comes a day or two late to be salient, but then again, it's a lot later than that. Oh well.
Top ten candidates to be the fifth Cylon, with brief commentary on why they are under suspicion:
- Doc Cottle (pros: involved with "broken" Cylon detector, had suspiciously clever & effective idea of using Cylon blood transfusion as cancer cure, etc. cons: none come to mind)
- Felix Gaeta (pros: freakishly good with computers, member of the resistance, as were most of the other Final Four, sings to himself. cons: too obvious.)
- Anastasia Dualla (pros: don't ask me, read here for theories, actually pretty convincing. cons: kind of a dull character, would seem like a cheap stunt to make her story arc more interesting in retrospect.)
- Caroleanne Adama [Bill Adama's wife / Lee Adama's mom] (pros: some insist on it, even if it makes no sense. cons: makes no sense.)
- Benjamin Linus (pros: devious & shifty, obviously has a plan, seems indestructible. cons: wrong show, but then he has gotten himself out of tighter jams than that on several occasions.)
- Johnny 5 (pros: scary AI. cons: not humanoid enough to fool anybody.)
- Darth Vader (pros: known cyborg, destructive but ends up being redeemed. cons: wrong story, but like ben linus may be able to circumvent this.)
- Galactus / Silver Surfer (pros: tie/partners, history of planetary genocide, metal skin on SS seems kinda robotic. cons: insufficiently humanoid/humanesque, maybe a little *too* genocidal even for the Cylons, suspiciously tall / metallic.)
- L. Ron Hubbard (pros: undead, schemer, scary disciples. cons: may sue if accused of being a Cylon.)
- Hillary Clinton (pros: undead, schemer, scary disciples. cons: may end up being human after all, but will still refuse to give up on chasing the fleet.)
- Ralph Nader (pros: undead, schemer, scary disciples. cons: may end up being human after all, but will still refuse to give up on chasing the fleet.)
Did I miss any?
I love this voodoo crypto stuff:
A year ago, someone anonymously mailed an encrypted letter to Fermilab. They weren't able to figure out the meaning, so they published it online recently.
Now, some people have it partially decoded:
FRANK SHOEMAKER WOULD CALL THIS NOISE
[...]
EMPLOYEE NUMBER BASSE SIXTEEN
But the middle section is still uncracked, and both average techies and prominent cryptographers are studying it, with speculation that it may be a disgruntled junior researcher, a reference to some kind of new astrophysical theorem, or something to do with a phone number to call.
Fun!
This kind of thing reminds me of The Voynich Manuscript, Numbers Stations, or the Kryptos sculpture at CIA headquarters.
I should do one of these puzzles some day, except have it decrypt to "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!"
Apropos of nothing much, I still haven't fully grokked the appeal of YouTube. Yes, sure, it's useful the way people can embed slow, grainy Flash versions of otherwise sharp MPEG movies on sites all over the place, so to the extent that YouTube has dissolved into the rest of the web, sure, its handy. Maybe not "useful", but "fun", and that's okay.
But I just haven't seen the appeal of diving into the YouTube home page to spend an hour watching.... well, let's see what's on there right now, shall we? Sock puppet theatre. A "Guitar Hero" ad. A mock movie trailer for "There Will Be Bud". Etc. I have a hard time working up a feeling that I'm missing anything here. Likewise with the YouTube widget on the iPhone -- yes, it's there, but why bother with this dreck on my little phone when I could be ignoring it on a proper computer?
I'm gradually coming around, but not on my own behalf. My son, you see -- like many little boys, I'm sure -- is starting to get fascinated with things like Jeeps, and fire trucks, and airplanes, and Batman, and Star Wars. Why then did it take me so long to realize that I could just fire up the YouTube app and, hey presto, anywhere we might be, I can search for "Jeep" and instantly get dozens of clips of the trucks merrily jumping over cliffs and slogging through muddy troughs and plowing through snow banks. Brrrm! Brrrrrm! If he wants fire trucks, there's no shortage of shiny red (or yellow) trucks racing around, putting out fires, or even doing wheelies. Weee-oooo, weee-oooo! If he wants to see Star Wars or Batman, there's plenty of those too -- many of which are in Lego, which is all the better :-)
The best though was tonight, when he wanted to see airplane movies, and I stumbled across a copy of the entire crop duster scene from "North By Northwest". If you haven't seen it, go watch it now, it's the best scene from any movie ever. Much to my satisfaction, my son liked it too: at first he was just watching quietly, perking up a little at the buses and the cars, but mostly getting bored -- which is, in fact, the whole point, and exactly how Hitchcock was trying to get the scene to unfold. But then the crop duster charges in on Cary Grant, and my little boy was squealing with delight -- "whoa! airplane! look out! brrm! brrm! oh no, boom!"
So now of course, he's asleep and I want to go watch "North by Northwest" again. For like the 100th time :-)
Sometimes it's hard to tell when Fake Steve Jobs is kidding.
Apparently, today Fake Steve was not kidding.
Most of the towns around here are named after British towns.
